NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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