Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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