so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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