we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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