I hate your face
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
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WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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