.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
