There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
