if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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