I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
