my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
