Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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