yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
