You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize