i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
zippers are such a cool invention
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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