So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
