Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
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I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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