If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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