I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
