So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
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No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
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She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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