She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
