There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
