isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
