my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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