I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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