I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
We need to rekindle our bromance
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
