just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
