Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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