we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
