I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
