I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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