You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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