dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
