oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
