There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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