would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
sarcasm needs its own font
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
