Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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