Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
