happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
