We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
