i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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