too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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