I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
