Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
