so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
