i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
