Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Reggie can tackle my bush.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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