Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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