Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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