I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
