Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
