I got chris browned last night
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
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she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
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Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
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