Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
