the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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