Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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