...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
