Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize