Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
