So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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